John Kerry was going to visit the Catholic National Cathedral outside Washington as part of his campaign. His campaign manager made a visit to the Cardinal and said to him " We've been getting bad publicity among Catholics because of Kerry's position on abortion and the like. We would gladly make a contribution of $100,000 to the church if, during your sermon, you'd say John Kerry is a Saint."
The Cardinal thinks it over for a moment and agrees to do it.
Kerry shows up, and as the Mass progresses, the cardinal begins his homily..
"John Kerry is a petty, self-abosrbed hypocrite and a nit-wit. He is a liar, a cheat, and a thief. He is the worst example of a Catholic I've ever personally known. But, compared to Ted Kennedy and Michael Moore, John Kerry is a saint."